Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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