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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My pussy is not your playground.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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