this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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