covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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