woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
