Are we in a gay sports bar?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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