You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
