I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
