She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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