Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
