My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
