Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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