every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
