you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
