I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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