i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
