i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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