He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
