Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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