Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
