Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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