WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
