Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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