Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she looked like the before picture.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
