Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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