The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
