i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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