I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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