You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize