I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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