Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I didn't shave. On purpose
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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