Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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