ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
