It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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