I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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