Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
