Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i will never coherently bang her
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
