I could make wine with my vomit
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
