dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
