I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
