Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
