please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
