guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
