Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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