hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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