You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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