I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
