the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
