I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
