She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
