I'm going to rape someone's good day.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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