apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
