I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
