nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
