Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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