I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize