you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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