good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
