Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
