let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
