i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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