So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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