I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
