Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize