I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
