I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
