I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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