i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
