Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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