Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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